I published my social location on my website. This is the third time I challenged myself to write openly and candidly about difficult factors from my upbringing.
I felt most challenged and struggled with the sense of security in house and food. As an adult, I have unusual relationship with food. I can't allow myself to eat well and enjoy food because when I was a teenager, I would be scolded before my LM parental units would leave for the day about what food is in the house and that it's not to be touched. I remember sneaking foods, ones that weren't listed by them. There was food security in my second household but habits that I started doing at the unsafe household migrated to my safe home. My safe home became less safe once my older sister moved in, but the worse of those time were mostly in the last two years I lived in my childhood home.
I had to make time to sit and think about the abuse I endured from my father because I spoke French and that I was a girl. I have a terrible memory associated with him and my belonging in the French community.
When I was a preschooler, my parents put me in French daycare to prepare for elementary school. Most days, my mom would pick me up but this memory is my dad arriving to pick me up to bring me home but because he only spoke English and the woman from the daycare didn't allow him to take me. My dad lost his fucking mind. He was screaming and yelling at her. As an adult, I remember him commenting that he was mad at my mom for teaching me French instead of English. I was fluently French as a toddler. Because these factors influenced my personal view on how I treated my education in the French system, I left and I was very resentful. Against the school, the staff, the educators, my peers, and my unsafe parental units.