It was difficult to write the things I did yesterday and it was upsetting and overwhelming that it has been increasingly more challenging to navigate the health care system and acknowledging & being with the struggles in my mental health. My afternoons, I've been fixing/updating my blog and I've writing short stories. Night times, I don't sleep through the whole night. I get woken or I just can't shut off the flashbacks and memories flooding over. Poor Kirk (my partner) hasn't had a full night's rest in weeks because he is usually up with me, holding me through the crying, talking/arguing and screaming. I can't find peace in my mind or my body. I am constantly in heighten pain. I've taken so many hot bath to help relief some of the aches. My legs have been screaming at me for weeks.
My partner knew how hard yesterday was and stepped up - he found an clinic and there was no additional fees to see a physician in person. This doctor was very kind and funny, he cracked a joke about his advice to do physical activities, talked up how great running is and slid in that he does not run. It was nice that he listened to my struggle to find medical support and he suggested that I just keep returning to his clinic. So I think I found somewhere I can feel like I am being heard and I feel like I could find progress in healing with that support.
What Support Looks Like Here
Every evening, Kirk takes me for a coffee date and he purposefully drives by our new apartment so I can look at our balcony on our way back home to Kate's place. We're moving in just a little less than 3 weeks into our new home. I'm excited for the next part of our story. Our relationship has a strong, unique bond. He wants to love me so much that HE LEARNS MY LOVE LANGUAGE AS I GROW. He has learned so much on how to be a wonderful support person for me and what I need. It's not easy. We both fail sometimes at this. We just try again. We are very open and honest and it took forever to build this level of intimacy but the building blocks started being place, February 1999, when Kirk was brave enough to ask the sad girl at a coffee house for a seat at her table because he wanted to try to cheer her up. I love him because he always tries.