It's no secret when I struggle the most; there are visible signs. My blog went silent during the month of December. I have been struggling with my recovery & my healing journey. I still sometimes look for a destination to end the journey, maybe get across a finish line where I am told that I won. I made it. It's all better now and you'll never have to be down again. Realistically that will never be the case.
There is positive here. So much of it. During November/December, I was in a six week program through the hospital day program. I feel like this program was the missing puzzle piece in my recovery after my hospitalization in June 2022 - - - I was promptly dropped from any follow-up programs BECAUSE I did not have a primary care practitioner (PCP) and the day program staff called a nurse practioner office to see if I was on a wait list, but I was not on the waitlist; that was another stress that I was dealt when I had registered and luckily screen shot the page that said I had registered so I was placed back in the waitlist. I never heard back from the programs because I had decided to leave my hometown and I changed my phone number on August 15th.
The day program that I completed in December was a resource I desperately needed. I had access to weekly one-on-one counselling and access to a psychiatrist.
My counsellor has been exceptional with our sessions and the resources she has provided me. At the end of November, I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist and after he listened to story and the suffering I had endured, he recommended two prescriptions and recommended that I stop the other one I had been on since June 8, 2022. I knew to be patient during the first few weeks with this new medication to be "working" or showing signs of improvement. After a few appointments, we have adjusted the dosage and the first week of January, he prescribed a sleep medication. There has been significant mood improvement. I still have a few sad moments or depressive episodes but they are fewer and less intense. My flashbacks are fewer and less intense. My nightmares still exist but they are less intense.
I feel that the support and mental health system in my new community is exactly what I had been searching for when I left in 2022 - - - I was becoming lost in the failing system and I had to find a promising future for my health. I strongly believe that I would have died before the end of 2022 if I had stayed any longer in North Bay. The health care system is failing their community - - - I have seen it happen many times, and it has not changed since I left.
My other most wonderful news is that I had my intake appointment on Saturday with my new primary care practitioner. I had requested information about a medical clinic, my partner picked up a registration form and I was booked for my appointment within 2 hours of the staff receiving my paperwork. I am absolutely thrilled that I have such a lovely doctor who I can talk to about my chronic illness and mental health. I feel that I am finally in good care.
It is important to advocate and do the work to take care of yourself. I believe that day program, plus my additional resources such as weekly art therapy, and support groups have been essential to this growth... I feel that I manifested this series of progress since the fall time. I have come such a long long way... even one year ago, I was dreaming about this...
and I am here.
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