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Bad Influence

In December, I got this amazingly adorable Sailor Moon inspired planchette in memory of the most special relationship from my youth. My dearest friend, *Darcy. She was the one to introduce me to Sailor Moon. She decided that I was Sailor Jupiter so that's why I had a lil' Sailor Jupiter tribute in my Rollerskating tattoo. When I decided to get something done in honor of our relationship, I decided that I would get the cats from Sailor Moon, Luna & Artemis. I'd love the idea of best friend/cat tattoos. I love this design because of the elements that represent our friendship & some of the fun things we did together. At the peak of the planchette is a heart she drew in my notebook. Now, I carry Darcy's heart everywhere I go. She was my twin sister & her family and home were my safe space until 1997 - - - when I was in my teens, my LM household forbid me from hanging out with Darcy because "she was a bad influence", the thing was she was not a bad influence, if anything I was the bad one. The weeks when I was at my LM household, I would write letters to Darcy and mail them to her. She would do the same. The weeks when I was at my OM household, we would walk home from school together and she'd stay over til her mom was done work. We'd go to school dances together and have sleepovers nearly every weekend. The bad things we did were smoking cigarettes. a few times we pretended to be drunk off specialty milkshakes from Brazil Coffee House, and used a Ouija board at some sleepovers. We never "partied" nor got drunk. We played Nintendo, watched countless hours of Much Music, and shared clothing. We started off very tomboyish then our styles evolved and we would do trades... Some of my most favorite photos of myself in those years, I am wearing something of hers. I was wearing her skirt the night I was introduced to Kirk. Our relationship started to unravel in 1997. Darcy started dating a boy from my school. And once and while she would gaslight me. Her boyfriend didn't smoke, so she started to say she never did. But we did together. I'm okay that she chose to stop smoking but I wasn't okay with her telling me she never did. I tried coming out to her, since she was my safe (safest) person in my life, and she corrected me, I was too boy-crazy to be gay. Even though these things happened, it was something else that led to us no longer speaking... I was unfair to her when we worked together on a farm in 1998. She had an invisible illness and I was furious that I worked "harder" than her and she was paid more than I was. I never signed an agreement with the employers of the farm, but I was charged for telephone calls and cigarettes, where Darcy was paid straight up, and I was mad but at the wrong person(s). We were okay for a few more months but by the end of October when I was looking for a new connection because I lost what I thought I had with Cody, I began being manipulated by friends that I thought were actual friends. I stopped reaching out for Darcy. She didn't reach for me either. I tried once to invite her over to my new life, to meet Kirk and have an Xmas treat together on her winter break from college, but she had no interest in my life. I had so much to share with her, I missed her dearly; it was over between us. I let us go but I never processed it until last summer. It was shocking and heartbreaking that she was my whole world and it took me forever to realize and process this grief.


*Darcy is the name I gave my bff (1989-1999) because I gave musician names to my friends in Her Story.

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