I believe as a youth, I was undiagnosed with various mental health problems. My escapism was maladaptive daydreaming, I created a place where I was important to the characters in my mind. I had experienced ongoing abuse from my older sibling and endured criticism, abuse, and neglect from my LM parental units. There were times that I was in danger and I was left on my own to cope and when the behavior was criminal, no one reached out for the authorities. My experiences were often minimized. I can recall times when I was asking for help that it was brushed off as something less severe than it was. I reached out for help after my relationship with Cody, he was my intimate partner violence abuser. I was told that it was normal for a little heartbreak after a romance, however I did not have the vocabulary to express that I was abused for the past three months, unknowingly was abused months before we started dated, he groomed and conditioned me to run to him in crisis and then he would strike me down. I had a mental breakdown that brought me to seek help from my physician, then I had a bad reaction to the medication prescribed - I took it as prescribed, it cause me to stay awake, I felt like a zombie throughout the night, suddenly I was woken by my stepmother to let me know to get myself ready for the day, I started the shower but never was able to step in, I sat on the bathroom stool by the door until there was a knock to finish up in the shower. I wrapped the towel around myself and headed to my room, I closed my door then collapsed. My stepmom brought me to the ER. I was taken care of for that moment but there was no additional follow up to find the right dosage or any counselling to assist in the healing of the traumas. The flashbacks began in the summer 1999. 

​When I was depressed in 1998/99, living in my sad room, I realized the damaged I caused myself and my relationships because of my maladaptive daydreaming. I hurt myself and the most important person in my life. I didn't use my daydreaming in my new life with Kirk. He learned about my mental health struggles & conditions, not the characters and the confusion I caused when I released my worlds.