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I believe as a youth, I was undiagnosed with various mental health problems. My escapism was maladaptive daydreaming, I created a place where I was important to the characters in my mind. I had experienced ongoing abuse from my older sibling and endured criticism, abuse, and neglect from my LM parental units. There were times that I was in danger and I was left on my own to cope and when the behavior was criminal, no one reached out for the authorities. My experiences were often minimized. I can recall times when I was asking for help that it was brushed off as something less severe than it was. I reached out for help after my relationship with Cody, he was my intimate partner violence abuser. I was told that it was normal for a little heartbreak after a romance, however I did not have the vocabulary to express that I was abused for the past three months, unknowingly was abused months before we started dated, he groomed and conditioned me to run to him in crisis and then he would strike me down. I had a mental breakdown that brought me to seek help from my physician, then I had a bad reaction to the medication prescribed - I took it as prescribed, it cause me to stay awake, I felt like a zombie throughout the night, suddenly I was woken by my stepmother to let me know to get myself ready for the day, I started the shower but never was able to step in, I sat on the bathroom stool by the door until there was a knock to finish up in the shower. I wrapped the towel around myself and headed to my room, I closed my door then collapsed. My stepmom brought me to the ER. I was taken care of for that moment but there was no additional follow up to find the right dosage or any counselling to assist in the healing of the traumas. The flashbacks began in the summer 1999. 

​When I was depressed in 1998/99, living in my sad room, I realized the damaged I caused myself and my relationships because of my maladaptive daydreaming. I hurt myself and the most important person in my life. I didn't use my daydreaming in my new life with Kirk. He learned about my mental health struggles & conditions, not the characters and the confusion I caused when I released my worlds. 

As an adult, I have spent more time "not well" than okay. In 2004, I was overworked & overstressed, trying to balance new motherhood, my married life, my work life, my social life, and my health. My health gave. I collapsed at work and I was hospitalized. I had issues with my kidneys, liver, spleen, reproductive system, and lungs. The doctors said my body was older than my physical age. When I returned home, my partner said that my health came first and that I did not have to work there anymore. I experienced re-traumatization followed by extreme abuse from my LM household in the summer of 2008 and became chronically depressed which triggered health conditions for myself and my unborn child. I became aware after the emergency c-section to save my baby's life, that I had cholestasis of pregnancy and the baby was feeling the affects of depression that they would move forcefully and eventually they were tangled in the umbilical cord. I praise my doctor for listening to me when I said that my feet were itchy, he knew immediately, he saved my baby and me; the doctor requested that I take a stress test the next day. I most definitely was undiagnosed with postpartum depression. I was terribly sad and did not reach out for help. I didn't allow myself time to heal or recover. I kept pushing forward when it was too hard; I was pushing myself emotionally and physically. I started to disassociate from my reality and began my lost decade. After my car accident in 2012, I had declining health issues (both mentally and physically). I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression in 2015 and Fibromyalgia in 2018 from a doctor who took the time to investigate my unusual pain and ailments. Since she closed her practice in 2019, I have not had wonderful or consistent care.

In January 2024, I will be releasing my current writing project There's More to Life Than This 

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