In the spring 1998, my OM parental unit asked me/told me that the bed I had been using while I visited their home (approximately since 1994) was being return to my stepbrother, and it would be cool to have a beat-up pullout couch from 1987, instead of having an actual bed. I didn't object because that would be rude or upset them. This was just four months after I was made to feel completely unwelcomed in my safe house. I was locked out on Christmas night with Cody, in the backroom/greenhouse, a member of my step family walked into the back room made direct eye contact with me, proceeded to lock the door, leave the room and turn off the light when he shut the door. At first I thought it could be a joke but several minutes we stood in the dark, in the cold. Cody became furious, I was scared, I walked nearly barefooted (just in nylons) from the greenhouse around to the front door, sneaked back into the front entrance sheepishly with cold wet feet, returned to the backroom to let Cody back into the house and beg for forgiveness. Showered him with kisses, affection, and tender moments all night, long into the next day.
The room became more sad in the fall '98 - I got cool lights and those lights were educing negative energy and it was not improving my sadness. I know I made far worse decisions when I wasn't sleeping anymore in October 1998. Earlier this year, I accidently found the right setting on the dimmer to find sad lights and I remembered what it felt like in my sad room. I feel the lighting accelerated my depression and the loneliness that was created from my heartbreak from losing Owen when I sabotaged our relationship and was disowned by both Owen and my dad in 24 hours. I hid at Kate's that first weekend. Drinks were on me! But when the weekends were over, and I had to go to work again, I had to stay in my sad room during the nights.