The original title of this blog post was called Sometimes Daddy's Girl - - - I no longer have this perspective, I fully believe that my LM parental unit was a narcissist and was abusive towards me, he was also abusive to my sister, but I don't know her story... I just know that he favored his boychild and was brutal to his girlchildren.
He was an absolute asshole and I wanted to show how I was still in denial until last fall that I was a special member of his family. He routinely verbally abused me, and when I would disobey him he would make my life a living hell. He called me names and took out his anger against his ex-wife (my OM parental unit) on me. Xmas 1995 he called me a slut and the statement was "You're a slut just like your mom" - - - He caused many traumas in my life but two are the most brutal and I live in those moments in my flashbacks that haunt me to this day. The first one was October 13 1998 when he threatened the life of my boyfriend for leaving a hicky on my neck while throwing objects and rage towards me. The second one was my wedding day, he didn't even show up for me. - Mallory (November 19, 2023)
Five years ago today, my dad suddenly passed away. This was, and is still hard on me. My dad and I had our ups and downs, and when we would not see eye to eye, we could go weeks or months (even once it was a couple years) without talking to each other. So, in early fall 2015, I became upset with my dad because of something he said to my stepmother about my eldest child wanting to visit after school then go to her after school programs; he said she wasn't allowed over and it was because he didn't want her there so he could drink alcohol. I was heartbroken and I didn't want to allow him to hurt my daughter like he had hurt me before: "That was the last straw" and I wasn't talking to him again for hurting my girl.
On November 18, my dad and stepmother called to asked if they could bring the children their Christmas gifts that night because my stepmom was leaving for Florida for the winter. I had a plans to attend a Girl Guide leader meeting and I agreed that the kids and the grandparents could get together for this occasion. When my husband came to pick me up from my meeting and he said how great the visit was and it looked like we had another chance to work on our relationship and my dad seemed like he wanted to be involved in the kids' winter activities while my stepmom was away. I was happy and excited to be with my family again.
The next morning, we got the call around 7 or 7:15 from my uncle who explained what had happened to my dad, he had died in his sleep. I was in shock. It didn't make sense. How could it be that last night, he was happy giving the children their gifts and talking about future plans. I just kept thinking to myself "what the fuck". I wanted to step up and be a support for my stepmother, I hope she is grateful that I tried but I feel I didn't do enough for her, I feel I caused more pain for both of us.
I am beyond grateful I had Kirk. I was completely lost. He made sure I was taken care of, that I was eating and resting, and we decided that my pre-planned Girl Guide trip for that upcoming weekend was a good distraction while I waited for the funeral things took place the following Monday.
When I got married, he didn't attend my wedding. It broke my heart then and still brings tears that he couldn't put his pride aside for his youngest daughter.
So, tonight, reflecting about our father-daughter relationship; listening to a playlist of his favorite songs and songs I like because I think of him. I know he was such a good man, he worked damn hard for us, when we were children, taking on part time/night shift jobs to make it work. I know something made him the way he was with me. He'd be surprised when I would say goodnight dad and give him a kiss goodbye after our visits.
I am who I was because of him and I am working on my new self but I will make sure I keep the special pieces. That made him an awesome person. Like, it was so sweet that his last night on earth was celebrating Christmas with my children and my stepmom & husband. I am so happy for their special memory they get to share together.
My dad told his sisters how he wanted to travel to Ireland someday and he never had the chance to fulfill that dream. In 2017, my daughter, Sarah was one of sixteen young women selected to join a Girl Guide of Canada patrol to attend a Ireland Girl Guides camp event in the summer. Just a few days before she left I asked if she could help me with a special gesture to grant my dad a wish he couldn't live himself. At the end of July 2017, Sarah took my favorite picture of my dad and brought him to Ireland. She took this photo for me.