Growing up I never really dreamed about a beautiful wedding for myself. Being given away from my dad or having that father/daughter dance. I must have always known that he didn't love me and that have that kind of dream would just not come true.
When Kirk & I got engaged in 1999, we shared ideas, bought the wedding magazines, etc...
When I started sharing my ideas and dreams with my LM parents; I was told that my dream location was not a good idea and discouraged my visions. When were were planning our wedding in 2001/02, our church gaslight us and refused our request to be married because I was expecting our first child. They said no and I took that as don't bother and put my wishes aside again.
Our wedding day was tainted because thing after thing went wrong and I masked the day away. Our officiant had an accident and had to cancel do to injury, she did arrange a replacement. My hairstylist judged us for having our wedding on a Tuesday and she did not listen to my request to cut my hair before she styled it, because I wanted Marilyn Monroe curls... before I was even in my wedding gown, the curls fell out and I had messy/unruly hair instead of my ideal look. Our venue was moved in doors due to weather, even though we did not want to be in a house of worship, we didn't have a choice if we still wanted this day to be our wedding day. As we were being invited indoors, I was realizing that my LM parents and my aunt & uncle were not arriving even though part of me knew they were not coming because of their stupid pride. There was a part of me that still hoped that my dad would be there for me. Neither one of my father figures were there for me. It still breaks me. Then that evening, a relative hand out beers to guests, it was suppose to be a dry wedding. I had made mocktails for everyone. We didn't plan to have a reception because I knew my LM parental units would ruin my day/evening.
In 2023, we had conversations about our wedding day and how much I was hurt and that for our 25th anniversary, I wanted to renew our vows. A few months ago, I saw that the museum is having a fake wedding event and we decided that we would recreate our wedding that we had envisioned 25 years ago.
In September, I found the perfect Y2K-esque wedding gown on marketplace for $50! I thrifted a pearl necklace & clutch. Kirk bought my new butterfly jewelry. Last week, I found some doc martens with a beautiful blue bird print.
In a few hours, I have my makeup appointment. I am so excited for this evening.
Comments