I began writing Happy Dancy Me on December 21 when I had been in a better mood but lost that moment and the post didn't get published then. Today while I was waiting for my art therapy session, I found myself bouncing around in a happy dancy mood. So it's today that I pick up where I left off then write what I'm experiencing during this upswing happiness.
When I was spending my last days in my hometown before my move this past summer, I was excited and optimistic about being that girl again. That girl is beaming happy, reunited with her bestie. Tummy full of Greco's pizza - - - the place I went with Kirk on our first date when we starting dating in March 1999. That date was a double date; Kate and her then partner were our other couple. She became my bestie when she and I worked together in fast food. We were both excellent employees and driven to succeed, we were promoted in the same 24 hour period. I had my meeting Thursday night before my weekend and she got her meeting Friday morning before her shift. We were thought of as twins working for this company and we loved it. We were sisters!
Unfortunately, we drifted apart after 2003. MSN messenger then social media kept us connected from afar through these years. Then the other happy part, we found each other again in 2020 & we promised we wouldn't wait another 12 years to see each other. Last July, She came to my hometown for a family event. We had dinner at Greco's and she invited me to visit whenever, for however long I needed. I am so grateful the life preserver she sent me. I had no idea that I was still suffering as much as I was and I was so very hopeless in the spring; I felt I could not heal in my house. I had flashbacks and ghosts roaming my house. I use the metaphor that I was drowning when I visual my depression. I was a small child left unattended, told to return to shore on my own, when I fell under water taller than me with no adult present. He saved me too. But I was left in a dangerous environment, and he thought nothing about it. (This is literally my whole experience, I'm so heartbroken rn) I had two near death experiences by the time I was five years old, three if you count the time I was knocked out my wagon in the parking lot by a drunk driver.
WORD OF THE DAY:
Art therapy was incredible today. The instructor lead us in automatic writing, followed by a meditation, then we listened to new age music while we allowed the art flow into our artworks. It was a wonderful experience and I was very grateful that everyone shared their words, art, and their stories. I love the support even though it's virtual, it is impactful to my healing journey. I love that I was able to answer the mediators question "what do you blog about" and I answered "my mental health, fibromyalgia, and my healing journey". There was a lil advocacy for fibromyalgia and chronic illnesses awareness and how it can be connected to childhood abuse and traumas.