I am aware that there's an uneven number of songs in this playlist. Daysleeper is the song choice I used in a social media reel to showcase the artwork that I had done by Danni from Inklined Studio in North Bay, Ontario. I was moving away to my new community and it was my thank you to the artist and showcase what she created for my first four tattoos.
Tattoo #7 - I have lovingly named this piece Lavender Haze. The original title of this creation was Pick Your Poison. Aaliyah's song Poison was probably the biggest inspiration to the artwork I envisioned.
When I was getting my witchy tattoos by Danni, I was inspired to create a playlist from the music that she played during our sessions last year. The playlist started off with three or four songs that I enjoyed from our sessions and then I added from the recommendations by Spotify; I built 706 (aka my villain mode) playlist on the day of my witchy tattoo session. Some of those songs are about empowerment, feminism, heartbreak; and there's songs about witches and potions, poisons, and pretty pills. These songs inspired Lavender Haze.
The potion bottle with the two stems of flowers in black ink was the original idea but I wanted to add color to my black ink witch's hand with bat. I wanted to enhance what the witch's hand chose to hold and which she chose not take up or let go of. I showed my artist the idea and she had asked if I wanted lavender and the flower and I thought it was a great match because lavender reminds me of the farm. It reminds me of all the sweet things that Kirk plans for me. Lavender is considered a floral symbol for love at first sight. Kirk says he knew right away he loved me and he never thought of anyone else after the night we met. Kirk has always known that I'm a bisexual & demisexual woman, and he has always loved and accepted me for who I am. I chose the bisexual pride colors for my lavender stems. New fact I learned today: the bisexual pride flag was unveiled in the fall of 1998. That time was the most difficult in my life because the toxic relationships and abuses from multiple men, and the death of my caregiver (who cared for me when I had the chicken pox while away from my parents for two week stay with an aunt), caused me to spiral and come undone. I became recluse. I only had memories of a safe place with a safe friend to keep me going during my months in hiding.
The apple is a Celtic symbol for knowledge, magic, and prophecy. It also represents temptation and sin. Apples are rubbish. I chose a green apple for many reasons including the Beatles' Apple Corp. logo, to song lyrics that mean the world to me. I knew an apple had to be included in the tattoo because in several songs that I love and helped inspire the artwork is the phrase "Beautiful Stranger". Somedays I believe Kirk is my beautiful stranger. There's a part of a song that has lyrics about the sour apple tasting so sweet. I had a lip-gloss tin with multiple fruit flavors, in fruit shaped molds; my favorite flavor was the green apple. The last connection that has inspired my apple was in fairytales; the evil queen attempted to do away with her stepdaughter.
The potion could be a romantic aromatic scent, a poison, or just lavender colored water. Because it was many different things over the years. For many years, I drank myself to sleep. I tried to find ways to numb without knowing what had happened to me and how much I was broken. I am sad it took so long but I know the potions, poisons, and pretty pills were ways I was trying to fill in the emptiness. The color choices were important for the potion bottle. I wanted purple and lavender with a cloud as the logo instead of the ☠️ poison logo. Cloud symbolizes dreaming/daydreams. Purple because I have Fibromyalgia. The color lavender represents femininity and it encourages productivity & creativity. I love that my bottle has a cork stopper and the outline of my bottle is a silver lining.
I adore the whimsical touch that Mikaela added to my original idea. Her idea was to add that blue haze around the lavender, the potion, and the green apple. It was such a wonderful idea that is like the spirit of the sweet friend I was trying to honor today. Optimism was Claire's love language. I feel that the blue haze around the poisons ties in the witchcore, whimsical & magical aesthetic that I am hoping to achieve for my body art.
Tattoo #8 - My semicolon butterfly. “A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you, and the sentence is your life,” explains Project Semicolon's website.
I chose this design because I have been touched by suicide loss; I had many battles against myself with self harm & suicide ideation. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and c-PTSD. The color of the semicolon is purple which represents violence against women awareness.
On a mix tape I made for my boyfriend's 19th birthday in July 1998, I left a song that expressed idealizing of self harm. He asked me about two songs. The one about hurting one self and the other song was about unconditional love. I answered him truthfully as I always did. I told him I loved him no matter what and that I had no intention of self harm. The next three weeks were hell. My boyfriend planned with his friend and their groupies organized stalking and harassment against me. They called themselves the poets, which was like a knife through my heart; I am the writer. My boyfriend would taunt me then ask me if I was suicidal yet after he'd hurt me. He would make me cry in public but somehow always look like the good boyfriend to everyone else. He would tell me he needed me, but then also say extreme things like he would kill himself if I was a lesbian. After one bizarre attack, I don't remember how I got home from being in the parking garage with the four of them, but I know the attack stopped because the females wanted to attend their Sunday church service. These monsters hung out in the remains of what was my favorite coffee house, but it was not the safe place it used to be.
Twenty years ago today, I lost a sweet friend to suicide. Their death had affected me more than I was able to express and comprehend. I still struggle, and I miss them every day. I got this butterfly in memory of Claire. My butterfly is a symbol for keeping inspiration alive. Claire's infectious positive attitude and sunny spirit inspired me during some of my darkest days when I was in an abusive relationship.
I met this special friend about this time 25 years ago. I remember that day so clearly because that day my narcissist boyfriend humiliated me in public when our morning routes crossed paths at the downtown bus station while we were transferring buses. I was heartbroken. After school, I headed to Brazil Coffee House to be around people I knew and loved, I knew I'd feel better in that environment after he dismissed me so harshly that morning. I met Claire that afternoon. They were always kind and happy. I had felt very sad and alone that day but having Claire enter my life at that time was needed and appreciated. I lost touch with them around the time of my promotion, my life changed and I know their life took them elsewhere. It breaks my heart to know how dark things may have gotten for them because I've been to the dark place this past year. I'm so sad that Claire thought for even a moment that they did not matter. Claire was the most sunniest, happiest soul I had met and I wish they knew how important their presence was in my life in that moment; in a safe place, with a safe friend.
My next tattoo appointment at Patayin Tattoo Co., will be with Jamie. The artwork I've requested is two pieces that I have lovingly titled When In Rome. I'm very excited to work with Jamie on this ultra special piece. She created my beautiful fawn tattoo in October; I plan to write about the fawn tattoo and the upcoming appointment with Jamie.
"I have Fibromyalgia - thank you for being considerate," diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2018, I am still struggling to understand my illness and learn to cope with my pain.
In spring 2022, I was diagnosed with chronic depression, c-PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Everyday was yesterday in my mind & in the flashbacks I was routinely suffering through. Three months after my second suicide attempt, I moved to a new community to begin my healing journey.
is an homage to my favorite childhood book series, Martine. I love the symbolism of the hot air balloon that I, Mallory, am navigating life with chronic illness while on a healing journey.