New Beginnings is a sole journal entry from September 2018
I am taking a course this fall to help me cope with my chronic pain. The course started ten days ago. I like the format of the "group therapy" of the class. The course instructors are lovely people, who have taken the course for themselves and believe they could share and teach this technique for chronic pain management. I was not sure what to expect and I am open to try new things to help cope.
For nearly ten years, I have had lower back pain, since 2012 I have had neck and shoulder pain, and just over a year with pain and difficulties with my legs. Plus, I have daily headaches and issues with my digestive system. I see my GP often, but "I'm fine" : no test results are negative.
In 2015, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression; which I believe triggers the pains in my sides and effects my sleep.
Just 9 days ago at the sleep clinic follow-up appointment, I had received confirmation about my poor sleeping habits: it takes me a long time to fall asleep, once I am asleep I get 4 to 5 hours of sleep.
The part that upset me at my appointment was that I had two "black out" moments while I was with the nurse then a second time with the nurse and doctor. I am not sure how to explain this situation, it's like passing out but not losing consciousness or falling over. I faded away and the doctor noticed it, he asked where I went/what happened. I was embarrassed and cried as I left their office after I explained myself and promised I would get a ride home to be safe.
"I have Fibromyalgia - thank you for being considerate," diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2018, I am still struggling to understand my illness and learn to cope with my pain.
In spring 2022, I was diagnosed with chronic depression, c-PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Everyday was yesterday in my mind & in the flashbacks I was routinely suffering through. Three months after my second suicide attempt, I moved to a new community to begin my healing journey.
is an homage to my favorite childhood book series, Martine. I love the symbolism of the hot air balloon that I, Mallory, am navigating life with chronic illness while on a healing journey.