I began writing Happy Dancy Me on December 21 when I had been in a better mood but lost that moment and the post didn't get published then. Today while I was waiting for my art therapy session, I found myself bouncing around in a happy dancy mood. So it's today that I pick up where I left off then write what I'm experiencing during this upswing happiness.
Unfortunately, we drifted apart after 2003. MSN messenger then social media kept us connected from afar through these years. Then the other happy part, we found each other again in 2020 & we promised we wouldn't wait another 12 years to see each other. Last July, She came to my hometown for a family event. We had dinner at Greco's and she invited me to visit whenever, for however long I needed. I am so grateful the life preserver she sent me. I had no idea that I was still suffering as much as I was and I was so very hopeless in the spring; I felt I could not heal in my house. I had flashbacks and ghosts roaming my house. I use the metaphor that I was drowning when I visual my depression. I was a small child left unattended, told to return to shore on my own, when I fell under water taller than me with no adult present. He saved me too. But I was left in a dangerous environment, and he thought nothing about it. (This is literally my whole experience, I'm so heartbroken rn) I had two near death experiences by the time I was five years old, three if you count the time I was knocked out my wagon in the parking lot by a drunk driver.
"I have Fibromyalgia - thank you for being considerate," diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2018, I am still struggling to understand my illness and learn to cope with my pain.
In spring 2022, I was diagnosed with chronic depression, c-PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Everyday was yesterday in my mind & in the flashbacks I was routinely suffering through. Three months after my second suicide attempt, I moved to a new community to begin my healing journey.
is an homage to my favorite childhood book series, Martine. I love the symbolism of the hot air balloon that I, Mallory, am navigating life with chronic illness while on a healing journey.