capricorn moon

the moon in Capricorn: ​Ambitious, Determined, Practical

After my long weekend up North in February, I was rejuvenated from the recharge by the lake and visiting my kidlets. When I returned home, I had my consult appt with a tattoo artist at Thrive Studios the following afternoon.
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​I showed my example to the artist and expressed to them that I was getting this piece done to reclaim myself after I had given myself to the wrong people, wrong situations, wrong circumstances. We talked about how the woman form/stance could remain the same - hair is very close to what I wanted because I was looking for my favorite hairstyle I had once for a few short hours. I requested that the flower be a delilah because they are very beautiful and they are hotels for tiny frogs. I told the artist about the dragon tattoo that was scheduled for March and what colors I was using there and how I would love the colors to be used on my tattoo of Capricorn Moon. I even wore my dusty pink coat to my consult appt - it's really my favorite color.

the hair that fell flat :(

I really loved following the tattoo artist on Instagram and see that other future projects could be done by them because I loved their style, it matched my tattoo esthetic. I wanted to ask that artist to do my "bad influence" tattoo that I am planning to get done in September. Something felt a little off the week before my session - I never got to see a sample of my requests but I thought it could be alright because Danni never showed me previews of my tattoos with her.

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The day started off weird, nonetheless I was super excited for Capricorn Moon. ​💔This tattoo's nickname is Capricorn Moon and because she's a lovely lady, her lovely lady name is Delia. Her name came to me last year when I knew I would be getting my dragon - my lovely dragon is inspired by a tank top that was also a t-shirt from Delia's fall '97 catalogue. I would have done anything to have something from Delia's - Suzy Shier was the next best thing.

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Today is my "still alive" anniversary. My tattoo session was canceled at the last minute due to illness but I was still very hurt because it was important to have her done today so the studio had a meeting and got me set up for a later session with another artist who was keen on my design and the importance of my anniversary. 

I was too afraid to even discuss the art, the meaning or that I wanted things differently. I just wanted my art and I became a copycat again.

​My tattoo was not customized as I wished - Delia is as she was as someone's vision. It's sad and fitting. I'm absolutely heartbroken. This experience turned exactly into my life with Cody. I was thrilled and excited for this artwork. I arrived on time, waited with the other noon appts outside until the doors open, did my paperwork, was sent upstairs to wait for my artist. I waited. (trying not to panic) I waited. (trying not to cry) I waited. Then I looked down at my Instagram and saw they messaged me an hour or so before the appt time to let me know there was an illness but I had already felt the pain of being stood up. Fucking humiliating that I was waiting for my artist - and being flooded with flashbacks about the times I experienced why I wanted this tattoo. It didn't become the empowering session that I dreamed of - Delia is someone else's vision.

I'm waiting to have her out of her bandage and healed a little bit, to share Delia. I wanted to share this part of her - I love how in this moment she looks like she has road rash. That reminded me of the parking garage incident - - - I still don't know what exactly happened there. I know I was terrified because the poets had held Darcy over a bridge the same day Austin sexually assaulted me, I knew it was possible that they could hold me over the edge of the garage rooftop. They were taking turn to confuse me, I was lost, they threatened me and I just want Cody to take me home and keep me safe. He wasn't stopping this chaos and I keep hearing them laughing. I had some bruises and scraps but I don't know how I got them.

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​It amazing to watch her come to life. She's been apart of my inkdreams for a long time. What drew me to Delia was those thigh-high stockings. When Cody & I split up and I started going out with my friend, Owen, I started to dress up and wore neutral tone silicone lace hold-up nylons with my favorite dresses & skirts. For Owen.

​I knew for sure she will be mine and today was that day. I am beyond grateful for everyone who pulled together to make Capricorn Moon happen. There are no tattoo regrets here - I have a bunch of ideas that are spiraling around to have her turn into something that is mine. I wasn't planning on adding more so it may be a while before I can afford my addons but more to dream about, I guess. 💛

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I read a helpful post earlier on Twitter - someone had asked how to celebrate one year anniversary after and another person recommended ice cream. This ice cream is the best salted caramel anything.

Update:

Delia is on Pinterest, and will be published as a short story.